Episode 09: Finding True WORTH In God
Finding True Worth in God: Faith, Overcoming Self-Doubt & Spiritual Growth | FOUND & REFINED Podcast
In this episode of FOUND & REFINED, host Amy LeSage shares her personal journey of faith, focusing on the struggle to accept God’s love and find true self-worth. Amy opens up about her ongoing voice challenges, the impact of music on her spiritual life, and the importance of Christian worship in overcoming negative self-talk. She discusses practical steps for deepening your relationship with God, including Bible memorization, prayer, and quieting life’s distractions. Through honest storytelling and scriptural encouragement, Amy inspires listeners to embrace their value in God’s eyes and pursue spiritual growth, no matter where they are on their journey.
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00:00 – Introduction & Amy’s Voice Journey
00:47 – Medical Mystery & Perseverance
01:39 – Recap: Struggling with Self-Worth
02:49 – The Power of Music in Faith
04:52 – Christian Music Recommendations & Miracle Story
07:07 – Worship Music’s Evolution
08:19 – Life Changes & Family Challenges
09:02 – Seeking Answers in Faith
10:13 – Relationships & Self-Worth
11:00 – Good Friday Reflections
13:20 – Accepting God’s Gift & Grace
14:40 – Helping Others Find Their Worth
15:15 – Battling Negative Self-Talk (Romans 12:2)
17:00 – Bible Memorization for Spiritual Growth
18:30 – Embracing God’s Love
20:52 – Quieting the Noise & Building Relationship with God
21:50 – Armor of God & Spiritual Warfare
24:00 – Final Encouragement & Closing
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🎵. Check out these songs
➺ “Watch Your Mouth” - Josiah Queeen
➺ “Need A River” - Kaelob Mecum
➺ “YET” (feat. Ashley Hess & the King will come) - Maverick City Music
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TRANSCRIPT - EP. 09
Hey guys, welcome to FOUND & REFINED. I am your host, Amy LeSage. And thank you as always for being here with me on this journey. Hopefully you are gonna start a journey of your own, with the Lord, that's what this podcast is about. I first wanna address. I only address it once in an earlier episode, but my voice, my voice is frustrating.
Sometimes it's there and sometimes it's not. Sometimes it's super hoarse and raspy. Sometimes it's okay. Sometimes I can't catch my breath in the same way, as I used to be able to, and I have to take more breaths in between words. All of that is some weird medical they don't know what it is, actually. Some medical things that nobody can seem to understand or pinpoint. I never know how I'm gonna sound when I wake up. I never know how I'm gonna necessarily even feel to a degree when I wake up every morning. But I have days where I record and I've gotta stay on top of that and really stick to it. Otherwise, this whole thing is going to go to poop. If I’m waiting on my voice to get better, we're never gonna get anywhere.
So, I apologize for the raspiness, I apologize if it sounds different. each time. The way I sound in my intro, that's how I used to sound. But this is how I sound now, so I can't tell you anything more than that. This is where we're at until the mystery gets solved. , And prayers for that would be great. I would love that.
Okay, so where we left off last time, I’ve got a big problem with accepting God's love for me and how that's impacted my worth. I was coming to that conclusion with a bunch of questions how, how in the world is that possible? When I know that God loves me, I know he loves me. I believe everything in the Bible. I believe everything I've ever heard and read and, learned over my life. How is it that he's not enough? What am I not receiving? Because he is enough. He designed it that way. His love is enough. I know all the facts. His love is enough to fulfill every part of me. So why wasn't it? I obviously got something wrong or wasn't connecting with something. There was so much chaos at this time in my life.
When I went to God and I surrendered my life to him and said like, thy will be done. Whatever you want me to do. I wanna live the life you want me to live. I wanna serve you. Whatever that looks like, change my life, change me. I wanna live for you... while still holding all the things that I wanna bring along. That's where I was at. Life felt chaotic. Life felt unsettled. And in order to calm that storm with God, some of the things had to go. So, I was kind of sifting through that.
I was realizing music, you guys, I know I've talked about it once before, but I'm gonna keep talking about it because I think it's that important. Music has such an impact on how we feel. It really does. When you're sad and you listen to a sad song, you are in the moment and, you're in that feeling. You're sucked into that feeling, and sometimes that's healthy. You need to get through those feeling and sometimes it's not.
During this time, I was realizing music was kind of keeping me all over the map. I was reliving certain things of my life through music I just because I connect with music so much. Words of a song would just take me back to, yeah, I totally get that. I totally feel what that person is singing about and that's the point of a song, right? But for me, I wanted to have a different outlook on life. I wanted to experience life differently. I wanted to live life differently. So, because music was such a huge part of my life, that had to change for a while. I didn't wanna leave space for the devil to continue to manipulate my mind.
I was really trying to narrow that space in between. Music was big. And I said it before and I'm gonna say it again - if you're not checking out Christian music, you've got to. On each episode in the notes, I'm putting at least three songs that either go with the episode feeling, vibe wise. Or sometimes I'm just adding songs, that are coming to me or that are good. I mean, there's so many good ones. It's like I could have a whole, whole list, but I'm trying to keep it small and concise. And so you. you can always look at the show notes, elevation worship,
they're great. If you want worship, praise music. You've got Brandon Lake, who's like on top of the world right now. Forrest Frank, by the way… Forrest Frank... okay, um, I don't know if you follow Forrest Frank, if you know of Forrest Frank, he's a Christian musician. We just literally witnessed a miracle and it's just amazing! Like, part of me doesn't even wanna tell you if you don't know, because I want you to experience it the way that the rest of us did as we were watching on his social media. Go to Forrest Frank's social media page and just watch. Go, go a couple back. Go back where he's like in the, you see him in a hospital? I don't know. Shoot. I don't know what his, it's like a couple weeks... go back to that and listen and watch each one. It's amazing! God is working. God is, he is at work, he is moving. He is doing some amazing things. And I was like, holy cow! We just got to witness a miracle. And that’s all I'm gonna say. But he's a great, he's a great singer. You wanna get your kids involved, like he's hitting all the, ages. I like him, my kids like him. There're teenagers that like him. He's just, great! There's, they're not the only ones. I, I feel bad because I don't wanna just name a couple. There's amazing people and I'm gonna keep putting 'em, on my notes.
But please, Christian music has come a long way. I'm an eighties child, eighties baby, Michael W. Smith, all the way / but there's real stories and heartache and there's rap. I don't know. I could go on and on about the music. but check it out. Please try. Try to check it out.
I was able to quickly find the songs that could relate to my journey, when you're on a path with God, you're gonna come up against hardships and other genres don't always speak to those. So it's almost like you still feel heard, and you still feel seen, and you still feel like someone else has gone through that with you or you, you just get a lot out of Christian music when you're going on a path with God. , Or you're even trying to find your way with God, or you're just starting out with your, on your path and your understanding of who God is. Go to go get some music in you. It's so good. And we all listen to it. We all listen to music. So just switch the channel for a second.
So, I was changing my music, I was changing some of my habits. I was going to church. I already had a church. I was going to church every Sunday taking the kids to church doing furniture and finishing like custom jobs, going to people's houses, redoing big things, to try and, make up for the loss that I just had after leaving the store. I was listening to motivational speakers at this time. Not necessarily Christian motivational speakers, but just motivational speakers. 'cause I was still trying to, in my head, grow my company. And make money and then figure out how to implement both ideas into this podcast.
I had just come to the conclusion that I was somehow missing something in my faith, but it wasn't this obvious like blinking sign. I went to my pastor. I was just trying to figure things out. I was going to family and just reaching out to try and see if there was something they could say that could help guide me. But this was such a personal journey. There wasn't a red flag. Of like, this is what you've got wrong in your faith. You know, on paper it all, like I said, I checked all the boxes on paper it all looked right.
When I went to my pastor, they were the ones that. kind of pushed me to read John. So, I really did start getting into the Bible and I feel like that's when the Holy Spirit really began to reignite inside of me. And by quieting some of these other things, I really could... I felt like I could see and hear him through this walk. Can't remember the timing, but I still, for a while, I was just trying to search for what was missing.
Why was I not receiving my worth from God? So that was still the main question, what he gives us is enough. If I truly understand his love, I shouldn't be seeking it from anybody else. My relationships, like it wasn't that I was hopping around to relationships. It's that I gave relationships too much power over me. And I wanted that to stop. I didn't like it. I didn't like the feeling of that. I wanted that to stop.
So how do I find that from God?
There was a thought that continued to come to me, and this is throughout the years, and it just kept coming up in my head - it might be the place where I was getting stuck. It was when I was in church on this day, I would always notice that I was feeling differently than everyone else around me. It would stick out in my mind. It was like I, I knew something wasn't right about that, and I couldn't figure out what, and I don't think I saw, I didn't realize the importance of it. And the day was every year on Good Friday.
It's just so interesting how God will nudge you and like put something in your in your heart and in your mind.
And I'll break it down for you. / When I was in church on Good Friday, which is when Jesus went to the cross was crucified, I saw and felt thankfulness in other people. There absolutely was sadness because of what he went through. The pain of what Jesus went through for us. The reality of that was there, but people were thankful for it. And I was just in pain about it. It wasn't even what, maybe it was what they said, like, we're so thankful that he did this for us. I think that just couldn't, I couldn't get on board with that. I just felt horrible that he went through that. And for me. I just, I, it just made me so sad that he was hurt to that extreme, that he did all of that for me. And it just felt so bad.
I would always leave just feeling so bad. And thank God, thank God for Sunday, and the resurrection, because I was like, whoa, golly, thank God. Like he overcame it. Thank God he's stronger. Thank God! Like all of that was real. Like, but if you think about it...And listen, I'm giving this to you in like, like a snippet, in comparison to how long it really took me to figure that all out. Like, I wish my brain worked that quickly, and it all just kind of came out and was revealed. But that was a process to even figure out, put my finger on, what was that? Where am I not understanding properly? And then months to rewrite it. Because my worth was so low I couldn't even accept God's gift. I couldn't even accept it.
Because I felt so unworthy and yes, this is the tricky part, is like I went to my pastor and he is like, well, we are unworthy... And I’m like, Ugh. I know. So how do I get past that and still accept the gift? It was like somebody, I think when I grew up, I watched pastors... this is also my own ADHD I don't think I picked up on every single thing that the pastor was saying, I picked up pieces. And for whatever reason, I heard it as here is what Jesus did for you. The pastor saying, Here is what Jesus did for you, and you're so unworthy of it, and it was this horrible thing.
It's almost like if you were with your friends and you just hurt your best friend so badly. And your other friend is in the middle of this conversation, saying, You just hurt them so, so badly, but they still got you a gift. And so here you go. Not that the pastors were saying it that way, but that's how my brain received it. And I was like, I don't want the gift. I feel horrible that I hurt the best friend. Like, I can't receive, you can't receive a gift that you feel so badly about? I couldn't receive Jesus's gift properly. even that realization opened up like a floodgate of emotions, and what I was missing, and so many things came after just figuring out why and what that was. I wanna be so clear here. I wish I would've understood his love differently because had I received, fully received, what that actually meant, I truly believe life would've been different in a lot of ways. That's a lot of what is backing me coming out here and speaking about any of this. Like, just in case you heard it wrong. Just in case you're not quite grasping it. Just in case you haven't heard it at all.
I wanna help whoever might be struggling here. Because if you're not getting your worth and you're not realizing how special and loved you are, life plays out differently. The devil manipulates that way of thinking and feeds into it. And then sin feeds into it, and then the devil uses that sin of other humans or whatever else against us to continue to speak into that negative idea and that negative talk, and whatever that thing is on replay for you.
I had to figure out how do I not feel guilty and just live in that guilt? To where I'm not receiving the gift properly. How do I accept the gift so that it permeates through me?
Like I said, as I was like calming things down, calming all the outside world down, realizing, okay, fashion is a huge sore spot. I definitely don't wanna be buying clothes. I've got an issue with that. Um. I can't find my worth there. I don't wanna find my worth from other people. I just want my worth to come from God. I wish just wanting it to come from him was enough cause the journey would've been shorter, but I had to really accept it for what it was. I just wanna get closer to him. I don't want anything to come in between us, ever. I never wanna let go. If you have him as your guide, you can steady your mind.
I think that's just it. Once you experience a real love and accept, like I've accepted and received his love at this point in my life. And once you do that, once you get to that point, there's nothing like it; you, nothing compares. You don't ever wanna let go. You don't ever wanna be away from it. It's the best thing ever. It's sad that about half of my life, I missed it.
And that's the force that's. That's the force that's making me wanna do this, making me wanna reach you, making me wanna reach others. I don't want anyone to ever miss that.
Miss his love. He wants it for everyone. Once I really understood Jesus' love for me - I really felt fulfilled in a way that I, the world just couldn't. People, things. All the stuff, it just couldn't, it could never even come close to what you can feel and get with Jesus' Love. I don't, you just, it just can't.
So, I want that for whoever is seeking it. I want that for whoever's missing it. I want that for you because he wants that for you and because I love him so much. I want that for you. It's just the weirdest thing, but it's true. I literally would never do anything like this podcast for anyone else. No one. I would never even consider it. I wouldn't even entertain the thought. No way. Only for God would I sit here and do anything like this. Fact! Anyone who knows me would be like, fact, she's very private. This is way outside of my comfort zone, but I believe it and I felt it, and I receive it.
You just want …your life just changes! You just wanna, when you receive this love that is so overpowering, unconditional. You just wanna, I just wanna help do my part. So, as you're quieting the noise, right? 'cause you're gonna go on this journey with me - because it's worth it. As you're quieting the noise around you so that you, can actually hear God speak to you. As you're getting rid of the things that are pulling you in the wrong direction and not good for you.
The next step in communication with him outside of prayer is getting into the Bible. Get quiet, pray, talk to him. What do you do when you want to improve any friendship/ relationship in your life? You pour into it. You have to talk to that person more. You ask questions, you communicate with them, right? Do that. Do that with him. Intentionally do that with him and learn a Bible verse. Come on.
If you're struggling with the negative self-talk, that's gonna be like the main thing that I'm probably always going back to, because that's the personal struggle of mine. That's my struggle. And so, if he wants me to share my story, that's gonna keep coming up. So if you're struggling there too, and you're struggling with your worth because of the negative self-talk, the discouraging thoughts, the I'm not good enough. The this is because of me. Those negative thoughts, right? You know what they are, where you're just getting down on yourself. Get a Bible verse! I'm gonna push it. I'm gonna push it like my grandparents would push it. I'm like, get a Bible verse and just hit it with that. Hit those thoughts with that. Fight back. Fight for your mind back. You are worth it. I don't say so. God says so. I only say so because I know God says so. You are worth it. You're worth the fight. So, fight!
Get some ammo. Ammo is the word. The word of the Lord. It’s been used for thousands of years. What did Jesus use to fight the devil? The Bible, the word. Everything Jesus did was an example of how we should be. On top of the fact there are Bible verses that say to use the Bible to fight the enemy. I just dunno what they are because I haven't memorized the Bible.
Let's just look it up.
Okay, so Ephesians 6:11 says, put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against authority, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore, put on the full armor of God so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground and stand firm with the belt of truth. So, then it goes through each thing. Okay… Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the spirit, which is the word of God. It's needed. The sword. The sword. How do you fight back? You fight with the sword. I would say the sword is a defense. It's not like a protecting thing. It's actually how you jab back. So, in my eyes, and I'm, I'm no theologian, it could mean something different.
But the way that I see that is in order to fight back the sword of the Holy Spirit, the sword is the word. So, I'm gonna use some Bible verses and fight against the devil when he's in my mind and I'm gonna be communicating with God. And that's where we're gonna leave off. You gotta pray, gotta communicate. You gotta get quiet in order to hear, and in order to really, in general, you've gotta be quiet when you're trying to communicate with somebody properly. When you're really wanting to get to know somebody, do you wanna go get to the, to know them with like, people over here chatting at you and this over here and this thing, this, these distractions.
And all these distractions and you're really trying to get to know somebody? No. You wanna get to, when you wanna get to know someone, you wanna go somewhere quiet and you wanna get to know them and have a nice conversation. Go get some coffee. Go to a park. He's more important than any other relationship you have in your life. So how would you wanna get to know him better? That's all.
All right. We'll stop there. Thank you, guys. Thanks for being here, and I will see you or be in your ears again soon. Okay, Bye!
[Thanks so much for tuning in. If you enjoyed this episode, please like, subscribe or share it with your friends, and as always, keep ReVISIONing the world around you.]