Episode 08: Faith In Hard Times: Together
Faith In Hard Times: Together | FOUND & REFINED Podcast
In this heartfelt episode of the FOUND & REFINED podcast, host Amy LeSage opens up about her recent struggles with anxiety, depression, and self-doubt, despite having initially believed she was past these challenges.
Amy shares her realization of needing to shift her perspective and accept her current place in the journey, emphasizing the importance of walking through difficulties with faith, trust in God's will, and the power of scripture. She encourages listeners to join her in facing life's battles together, using Jesus as their strength and guide. Amy also recalls her struggle with memorizing Bible verses in her youth and how she is now finding solace and strength in scripture.
This raw and real conversation aims to inspire and uplift those who are in the trenches of their own battles, reminding them that they are not alone and can find hope in God's plans for their lives.
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00:00 Welcome to the FOUND & REFINED Podcast
00:34 Facing the Disconnect
01:46 Battling Anxiety & Self-Doubt
03:43 Memorizing Bible Verses for Strength
06:44 Embracing the Journey Together
10:15 Trusting God's Plan in Difficult Times
17:28 Encouragement for Listeners
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TRANSCRIPT - Ep. 08
Hey guys, welcome to the FOUND & REFINED podcast. I am your host, Amy LeSage, and thank you for being here. I really appreciate it. And I wanna thank you for being here. Thanks for popping in. Thanks for staying. Thanks for following. Uh, it means a lot to me. Um, today's gonna be real. A realization in the moment of what I'm, I mean, this has been something that I've been battling as I've been pressing record the past couple times.
Just a disconnect. I've just been having a disconnect and not with what I've been saying or what I believe, but with where I feel I'm implying that I'm at in this journey. Versus where I'm realizing I'm actually standing now. Let me explain that more so in my mind as I started this podcast and this journey, I believed that I was on the end of the hard parts.
I believed I was, and I was, I, I was past a lot of things. I worked through a lot of things with God. I learned a lot of things with him. And in those notes that I've written and all of the things that I've referenced before, that all helped get me through it. And so, I entered into this podcast thinking.
That would be my stance. That would be my position. Someone who has gotten to the other side of things.
But as I've walked and stepped further into this,
I am realizing that's not the case.
And I need to shift.
I need to shift a little bit. Because there's a disconnect with where I'm trying to be and where I'm, where I actually, and where I'm at, of where I'm trying to be and where I'm actually at in life.
This episode. Is gonna be about that battle. Real time, real talk.
I've fought hard against it. I resisted. But I'm still here. My dog. You'll probably see my dog walking in and out, um, multiple times. She likes to stay right at my feet, which is super sweet and comforting for both of us. When I stepped into this podcast, when I stepped into this podcast stepped into into into this journey of of sharing with with you guys. I had a piece. I had a piece inside of me that I worked with God on - that piece has been shaken.
And in its place is anxiety, depression, self-doubt. I can't lie. These familiar struggles have me kind of wanting to crawl out of my own skin lately because how can I be here again?
And this wasn't how it was supposed to go in my head, what I thought this would look like. I'm not supposed to be here again. So, I've waited it out a little while, while still moving forward with some of these podcasts and, um, or with some of these episodes, and, um, just prayed that I would overcome it so so that I could continue stepping into this space from the other side of these things, but I, I'm, I'm not, it's not going away. And the more I've come up against it, the harder I feel it.
So, these past few weeks, month, they've been a battle. And so here I am, and maybe this was how it was supposed to be all along. For whatever reason, I have to be here again. I I definitely have a choice to make and so do you, when it comes to. Your walk with Jesus. When it comes to following what you know is right, or what feels familiar, what looks and seems easier, we have that free will. God gives us that free will to make a choice.
So, I have that so. I could choose to stop. The timing of it is funny because I never start something and don't finish it. So the fact that I even started this, I had to be in the mind frame that I was of thinking that I was almost past it to even hit record on this because I really, because of what I put, what I believed, where I believed I should be once starting this podcast. He is not gonna let me get too far without straightening me back out. And so I'm not supposed to necessarily be on the other side of it, but instead I'm supposed to be in it with you…which is a hard thing to accept because it's not been easy to get through some of these thoughts and some of this to go through this battle again.
But I have to keep believing like what I know, like. I memorized a Bible verse through this whole thing. I was like, you know what? I'm getting in the Bible. I'm pulling out all the tricks, like everything, all the tools, not the tricks, but the tools that I've learned over this time. I'm, I'm using 'em all.
I've been using them every day, minute by minute, sometimes hour by hour, just fighting these feelings. So, I was like, you know what? I haven't done; I haven't memorized a Bible verse. So, let's try that. Let's try that. So, I look up, you know, on Google, I'm not a theologian, you guys, I’ve got my Bible that I dig into to actually check the facts. But whatever, it's, it's a helpful tool. So, I type in, um. Bible verses for negative self-talk. Now I know that's a modern word, but I'm hoping that Google can switch it up a little bit and give me some Bible verses that are gonna work for this, you know?
Um, and so I wrote 'em down. There was a series, I did some more research, kind of followed some of the, got on some of the, um. Some of the pages and quotes of, of pastors that I've been following with Verdict, pastor Furtick and Joyce Meyers and, you know, kind of wrote some of those down and just kind of gathered some, just as like, some ammo to like, help me fight this because I'm, I'm, I'm, I've I've started something, this podcast and I don't wanna be feeling these feelings while I'm doing it.
It's just not how I envisioned it. The first Bible verse I decided to memorize since having to do memory verses back in like fourth grade and fifth grade and sixth grade. And all the times that I got tested on memory verses, I kind of crossed those off for the rest of my life because it was brutal back then. Um, especially with my ADHD to like remember them.
I remember singing my sweet dad, he put I'm, now I'm off on a tangent. I'm off on a tangent, but I'm gonna poke this in. I'm gonna put this in real quick. Um, I had such a hard time with bible verses and memory. That he put, I had to learn the Lord's Prayer. He put it to music. My dad is a musical, um, the music, the musical director at, at his church and has always been just phenomenal with music and write songs and beautiful voice.
And so, he wrote, he wrote The Lord's Prayer in a for as a song and, uh. I sang it to my teacher, um, because that was the only way I could remember it. We remember songs so much better than like just words, right? I even sang it at a wedding, I think it was fourth grade, second grade, second, or, I don't know, I was young, . So, I pretty much like didn't enjoy that. Experience of memorization and I haven't really had the desire to go back and start memorizing Bible verses again. It just never appealed to me. Although I've heard so many people say, you've gotta get in the word. And I'm reading it. I am reading it, but I would love to use it as part of my armor when I'm being attacked.
I would love to use it. Jesus used it when he was being attacked. Um, I.
By the devil. And I think that's how it's supposed to be. It, it's another purpose of the word. So, long story short, so that was a long-winded story to get to. I memorized a Bible verse, and it goes like this. Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed by the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. For then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is his good pleasing perfect will,
and I had to lean back on that during this time. I'm like, he wants what's best for me. As horrible as it feels to be back in the same exact position. To some degree, it's, it's. I would say it's different. It's not, I'm not in the exact same position, but there are, there are some things that are amplified and worse
and I know I have to lean into knowing God's will for me is good, pleasing, and perfect. That's what he wants. He wants what's best for us.
Even when it doesn't feel really great at the time, I have to trust that this is where I'm supposed to be, if it were meant to be different, I know for a fact it would be. I know he hears me. I know he sees me,
As hard as it is to be in the trenches of these thoughts again, and this place again where my health is up in the air and unknown, where I have big family decisions to make in front of me hard, hard decisions. Financially I have no answers.
Maybe that's how we're supposed to get through this together.
Like just coming around each other and getting each other through it. I am not, and I had to remind myself of this. I am not in the same space I was two years ago or one year ago. I am not. I have grown and learned and done so much with the Lord. That I know how to get out of this. I know how
I've done it.
And so, he must want me to be here. So here we are, here. In the trenches of all the feelings, all the things right here. If you are battling depression, anxiety, self-doubt, negative thoughts, whatever. Welcome. Welcome. Here we are. Here we are. Hi. Welcome. I'm right here with you, literally in the muck with you.
We're gonna get through it. We're gonna get through it together, holding on to Jesus' hand. We don't have to pretend it doesn't suck. It sucks. Sucks being here. We don't have to stay here. We don't have to stay here. I'm not staying here. Come with me. I'm, I'm outta here. I'm literally, I don't wanna be around that. I'm getting outta here. I'm using all the stops. I'm pulling out all the tricks.
I'm getting myself outta here and I'm taking you with me. And God's taking my hand. We're taking each other. We're going as a group. We're getting out of this 'cause this place sucks to be in this kind of thought process. This is where the enemy wants us I don't wanna be around here. I don't wanna stay here.
And I'm, and I'm fighting it, and I'm gonna continue to fight it even if it's slow. That's the worst part. That part gets me every time. I really want things to just move quickly. Like, let's just get out of it. I don't wanna be here, so let's move on. It doesn't always work that way. You gotta put in the work, you gotta put in the time to get over some of the things, some of your, some of your battles, some of the things you're battling.
You gotta put in the time. It's slow, but even if it's slow, let's move forward together.
We gotta keep moving, even if it's a mess.
Jesus. I know for a fact he's with me. He's with us. He's with you.
We're gonna use him as our guide and our compass, and most importantly, we're gonna use him as our strength.
And I think that's one of the hardest parts. I'm like, I don't think I can do this again. I don't think I can do it again. I already did this.
But if he's putting me here again, last time he put me here, my strength ended way back at the start of the journey. He, my strength came through him. My strength became a. His strength through me. He was my strength, my personal strength, what I can do on my own. That ended like at step 10 out of a thousand. That's only gonna get us so far.
We need to have, we need to be leaning on Jesus's strength when you're in the pits and you're just not, not feeling like yourself. Discouraged. Wrestling with something that, you know, you wanna move forward through and you know you wanna get through, but you're looking in front of you and you're like, I don't know if I have that in me anymore.
I don't know if I can push through this. I don't know if I can get myself out of this. You probably can't get yourself out of it by yourself, but he can.
Jesus can.
I'm standing face to face with this resistance, this heavy invisible wall inside of me. I don't wanna be here anymore. I don't wanna feel this way anymore. I already did this work. I don't wanna have to do it again. I don't wanna have to go through how to pour into how you feel about me Lord, and how I need to find my worth through you. I thought I already did that. I thought I already got past that.
I didn't think I would be here again. How am I here again?
I gonna do with that? I gonna do with that? Let it win. What am I gonna do with it? Let it win.
Turn around and go back or once again. Will I face it head on, holding on to God's strength that's just burning inside of me. I have a real choice. You have real choices in front of you. Do I give into old patterns?
Walk back into what never truly served me. Go back to furniture, re finishing, go try something else that isn't aligned with where I feel, where I know God wants me.
Or do I repeat these hard steps?
Trusting there's a reason for it,
even if it feels
more discouraging than I can even vocalize to you right now.
I've literally yelled, I've cried out to God, I've wept, I've prayed. I've punched and screamed in pillows. I mean, if there was a camera on me over the past month, you guys would be like, I think she's going crazy, because I'm like, I don't want to be here. I don't wanna do this again. Please don't tell me I'm here again.
I was uncomfortable in my own body. I was uncomfortable in my mind, I, I've just been in complete discomfort. And just resisting it, just fighting it, battling it, like I will not No to, please don't tell me. This is how it is please don't make me do this again. Please don't make me battle my worth again. Not that he is, not that he's making me, or maybe he is, and if he is, if it is coming from him, it's what's best. For where I'm at right now, it's what's best for this journey.
And that seems crazy to even say, but I gotta tell you, you guys, the second that I realized that which was last night, the second that I realized. Maybe this is where I'm supposed to be in my mind and in the battle of it to do this all properly. Maybe God has a purpose in that.
I'll do it better from this space. Maybe I have to share from this space while I'm still walking through it, not on the other side of it, but in the thick middle of it.
Am I supposed to literally walk these steps with you is that God's plan. He's not taking him away. It's not going away.
Maybe God's purpose isn't for me to wait until I'm through it to start it. Maybe the calling is right here and I didn't have right here in the battle of it. It's unnerving to not have, t's almost like God is saying ‘no, You are not supposed to be through it. Let them see you battle. Let them see. Let them see the real work.Let them see you. Trust me, even in the uncertainty.’
No one wants to feel like they're moving backwards, and that's been my fight. I cannot be moving backwards as I'm telling them how to move forward? I can't be moving backwards. No way, please.
But I have to remind myself I'm not starting from scratch this time. With experience. I've got a deeper understanding, a greater faith and a burning desire to do God's will.
Maybe this was always supposed to be a shared journey. That we literally walk through together.
When I came upon that realization last night, literally last night. All of that tension. You know how your body just feels like, Ugh, I'm not gonna fight against whatever this is. I don't like it. Like, just like you almost feel it in your body. I was just fighting it, resisting it so badly. And the second I was like, well, maybe I am supposed to be here. Maybe I don't need to resist it. Maybe I just need to. Pivot a little bit and explain why and explain now where I'm gonna be coming from to these guys. This wash of peace came back.
It came back. Finally came back just like the Holy Spirit was like, ‘yeah, yeah… Now you're getting it. Trust the process. Trust me, don't. Fight and resist it.’ It's, it's just so exhausting to do things that way. If you're continually seeing that what you're resisting and coming up against is really not budging, think of it differently. Let go of some of that resistance and reassess.
If it's not moving and you can't budge it and it's still standing there, you've got to walk through it. Whether you want to or not, actually, you can turn, you can turn back. Like I said, I could turn back, but when I think about that, I just get this pit in my stomach like, no way. No way am I going back. No way.
I've come way too far to turn back now and give up on this. There's no way, I don't wanna run. I don't wanna delete this. I don't wanna turn on what I know is right for my life. I don't wanna walk away, even though it feels like it would be so much easier because I know what I’m still interested in the unknown. I don't wanna follow my ways. I wanna follow his, and everything inside of me is saying press on.
So, this is a common space to be, I feel like, well, at least for me, it's a common space to be, to make the decision not to trust my own understanding. But to trust his, which is what the Bible says. I have it written down in Proverbs 3 5-6 It says, trust in the Lord with all your heart. Do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. I know which path he's saying, I know to delete this and all of that stuff isn't the right path.
Turning back and going the way I feel is easier isn't gonna solve anything. I'm gonna end up here again. I know it. If I don't do it now, I know I'm gonna end up here again. I have to keep telling myself that I can't compare what I am. What I am resisting is what I know this path to look like years prior. It's hard. It's hard, and I was learning so much. I was learning a lot along the way.
I have to comfort myself in telling, I have to remind myself like I can, I can't compare this road to what I've already walked. I, I can't do that. It's not the same. I'm not the same. It's not the same. Every time I take a step with God, I learn something new about him and I learn something new about myself.
He isn't against me! He isn't against you. He's for you! He's for me. And if it was meant to be different. He would've changed it by now. I would've gotten through it. I have all the, I have a lot of tools, so I'm supposed to do this with you. maybe, maybe you're standing at a crossroad, your own crossroad.
Maybe you're staring down something painful, something hard, something that feels too much to bear. I encourage you, don't turn back. And I'm saying it to myself, which is why I'm emotional. 'cause I'm also saying it to you. Don't turn back, don't do it. Don't give up.
Take God's handand walk through it,not alone, not on your own strength, but with Jesus walking every single hard step with you. I don't know what you're facing. Maybe you're standing at a crossroad yourself. Maybe you're staring down something painful, something hard. Something that feels too much to bear, can I please encourage you?
Don't turn back, take God's hand and walk through it with him.
You are not alone. You are not alone. If you are calling upon Jesus to walk with you on this hard stuff, it's hard, man. It's hard,but you don't have to walk through it on your own strength. Thank God. Every single hard, but with Jesus walking every single hard step with you.
We don't know what's on the other side. It's the hardest. That's the. Crappy part. We're not God. We don't know what's on the other side. This is trust. This is faith. . I have to lean into it. I gotta lean. We don't know. But knowing what God's will is for us, I have to think it's better and something more beautiful than I could imagine and conjure up myself.
There's a Bible verse, Jeremiah 29: 11, which says, ‘He has plans for us, plans to give us hope and a future.’ If we go backwards. We already know what's there. You already know but if we go forward with him. Who knows what he's prepared. The easier way isn't always the best way, and so I'm gonna walk no matter how tired, But with every ounce of new faith and old experience that I've got, I'm gonna walk forward.
I may do things the hard way. I definitely do things the hard way, but I also do hard things!
And so I'm gonna do that again, and I hope you join me. I really do!
Remember the way God wants you to live. Remember the life God wants you to have. If you're not in it, you're not feeling it and you're up against it. Come through it with me, get through it. Let's get through this together with him, with Jesus as our compass. If you're in the trenches too, remember you're not alone.
The you are definitely not alone. I'm right there with you, friend, right there. Hi. Hi. Let's get outta here. Let's seriously get outta here. Let's do the hard thing together with Jesus as our strength, and let's get outta here. Let's start walking.
Thanks for listening. It said if this resonated, or You know what? If you need a prayer or just someone to say like, yeah, me too. I've been there too. I hear you. I'm with you. Reach out, please. Let's encourage each other. Let's encourage each other as we walk together.
One faithful hard, beautiful step at a time.
Thanks for listening. Bye.