Episode 07: When God Calls and Doubt Answers
Ever felt completely sure you knew what God was asking—only to be stopped in your tracks when it came time to do it?
In Episode 7 of the FOUND & REFINED podcast, I get raw and honest about those moments when our confidence falters, even as God is calling us forward. Why do we feel so unworthy or uncertain, unable to take the step God is pointing out? Where does that inner resistance really come from?
This episode digs deep beneath the surface: I share the real questions I had to ask myself to find the root of my hesitation—and what God revealed about starting in the right place. I thought launching the podcast was the next milestone, but God reminded me it’s about how I walk the journey, not just my destination.
If you’ve ever wondered why you freeze up when it’s time to act—or how to realign your pace and perspective with God’s—this honest conversation is for you. Let’s learn to hear Him more clearly and trust Him more deeply, together.
Subscribe to FOUND & REFINED for more faith filled conversations like this one!
00:00 Welcome to the FOUND & REFINED Podcast
00:31 Struggles and Realizations
01:41 A Life-Changing Conversation with God
02:23 The Journey to Starting the Podcast
05:25 Facing Self-Doubt and Resistance
10:21 Discovering Self-Worth in Christ
15:04 Clearing Distractions to Hear God
17:09 Final Thoughts and Encouragement
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🎵. Check out these songs
➺ “If You’d Let Me” - Skye Peterson
➺ “Whisper and the wind” - Bodie
➺ “Honestly, We Just Need Jesus” - Terrain
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TRANSCRIPT - Ep. 07
Hey guys, welcome to the FOUND REFINED podcast. I am your host, Amy LeSage, and I'm so happy to have you here. Thank you for spending your time with me. Um, I wanna just continue on. This seems to be going in chronological order, so, um, as of right now, I don't know if that's gonna change or not, but I'm just gonna keep going so we can get to like the meat and potatoes of what is God doing here and what is he trying to tell us?
So. we'll backtrack a little bit just to fill in. I'm hustling to work and build a brand and a company, which was called FOUND &, REFINED to grow awareness of a niche most people didn't know about or even know was available. While giving proper attention to the very special needs of my children, at that time. I was trying to open a store, and I was also in a relationship that wasn't proving to be right for me anymore.
Most everything around me was falling apart and what wasn't falling apart, it was just barely hanging on by a thread. I mean, I was just in a bad spot. I had an overwhelming breaking point and realization that I just couldn't do enough. I couldn't work hard enough. I couldn't fix anything.
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't fix anything that was happening and going wrong around me. By trying to keep it all together, I was actually making it impossible for God to get through to me, for me to hear him amongst the chaos and the exhaustion that would follow that. I knew big changes needed to be made, but I had no idea. what they were. And it wasn't until I took the time to step away, get quiet, put my full attention on God, and I listened carefully to how he wanted to guide that conversation when I went to him.
I heard and wrote down exactly what I felt he was saying I knew I needed to leave some big things behind, specifically the store and, my relationship. I knew that what would come with that was gonna be really hard, and it would hurt right. but I trusted that it was right. I trusted that. I heard him clearly on those things. I walked away from that conversation knowing that God wanted me to. Help and serve by sharing my story The thought of a podcast came to me with that. I felt like that was a strong connection with how to get this out to people the quickest. But the thing that God didn't tell me, is the steps that it would take and that I needed to take to get to the point of having a podcast. he left room for me to figure that out on my own. Which, by the way, never go smoothly. For whatever reasons, I do things the hard way.
I don't know why, but that's just how I tend to do things. So, it's been a bumpy road. It was extremely bumpy in the beginning of trying to figure out. What is this all about? What am I supposed to share? What are you trying to tell me? I have my business. How is that playing into this? It was just very bumpy.
And that's just because he doesn't give you all the answers right up front. You have to learn.
I wasn't prepared at all for the journey that would follow after that conversation. I wasn't prepared for the growth that needed to come first. I wasn't prepared for the amount of pure raw faith that I would need to have in order to do this one simple task. the podcast, share my story, getting quiet with him that day started me on this life changing journey as you know, I wish I could say that I started the podcast right then and the rest is history. But it's been two years since that conversation. I never would've thought I would finally hit record - two years later. It's still a little shocking to say. it all sounded simple at the time.
But it dawned on me recently, like you wanted a life change. I You didn't ask for like, a small change, like, help me with my patience I asked for him to change my life. Why I thought that would be simple and quick and easy, I don't know. But that's what I thought it, it clearly it wasn't, but that's how I felt. It would all just start working out. Um, it's funny, I gotta laugh a little bit about it because I was so naive and new to this, to following. There was just so much to learn, and I had no idea what I was about to step into.
I, I had a lot of the podcast equipment, and the room was set up for it. I knew I'd been given a clear goal. I believed that. I was confident that I heard properly that that was my task.
I was a go-getter and a hard worker, and I never stopped. I went full speed at everything. If there was a problem, I went full speed into figuring out what was the problem and how do I fix it, and how do I get through it and onto the next thing, and the next thing I moved fast, so that's kind of how I expected this to go. I was so wrong God doesn't move fast on everything. God doesn't move at the pace that I'm used to or that we're used to, or that we're comfortable in. He moves at his own speed, and you need to meet him there I've learned that. Hard lesson.
As I knew he was telling me what to do, I was like, ready to go. It took a few days before I was hit with self-doubt, negative self-talk, and a hesitation like this overwhelming resistance to do it at all. That was a pivotal moment in my life regarding this journey. That was when the work started. I didn't know it, but he was starting. He was starting it, not that he was talking negatively or putting negative self-talk in my head, not that. But that there was a lot of work to do.
It never once crossed my mind that I would need to go backwards in order to move forward in this journey. I just wanted, and to be honest, expected to hit the ground running, but it was made clear that I had to do the work first. Like, here I am thinking I'll speak to the past and some things that I've learned with God along the way on this podcast and mix that in here and there with dreams and where I envisioned FOUND & REFINED going. But I had just made a commitment to God to follow him. I just said, I wanna follow you. Thy will be done. I don't wanna control anything anymore.
How often do we do this? How often are our intentions that we wanna follow him and that we wanna listen and we wanna learn from him at the same time we have a death grip on our plans, our ideas of how we think things should go, our baggage, our beliefs, all of our stuff. I didn't know it then, but over the years I've learned that stuff's gotta go.
If you wanna follow God the right way, you can't be like, I'm gonna follow you and here's all this stuff that I'm bringing with us, that I need to come with me. That stuff might be the reason you are where you are today. That stuff's gotta be worked through. you gotta figure that stuff out before you can move forward. And sometimes that stuff gets resolved very quickly and sometimes you gotta put in the blood, sweat, and tears to figure it out yourself so that you learn from it. God doesn't just give you all the answers.
Naively, I felt like I'll just figure this out and it's all gonna work out great. I had no idea I was being put in a battlefield. I had no idea what I would have to first figure out about myself to even try to sit here and lead others in any capacity. I was in no way, shape, or form ready for this podcast two years ago.
Not mentally, not emotionally, not religiously, not at all.
It took a lot of realization, a lot of punches, a lot of coming up against walls to learn that. And that's not to say I am sitting here today without self-doubt, without negativity, without, you know, challenges to my worth that's something I'm gonna battle, to some extent, I think for a while. but I'm so much better at catching it in the moment and not letting it just take my feet out from under me. Not letting it ruin me, not letting it be my story, not letting it speak to me and be my narrative. Because I've done the work with God. But I'm in no way gonna sit here and tell you I've got it perfectly right two years later. I just know the steps that need to be taken to get out of the. deep pits of the negative self-talk, because I've walked through 'em with a death grip on God's hand. But that doesn't mean. that Satan doesn't still come for me and try to speak into those things. No, he actually is coming harder, but I'm learning to watch for it.
As all of this is coming together, I'm like, okay, there's some baggage here. I'm realizing the only person that could be telling me, when I know God's telling me to do the podcast, the only thing that's coming in the way of me being ready for that speaking negatively into my mind is the enemy. I don't know why... I really was like super shocked by that. I, I don't know if it was just thinking like, because I'm a Christian, that's not gonna happen to me? That he's not gonna manipulate my mind into beliefs because my belief is so strong in God? I don't know why I thought that that couldn't happen, but I was shocked that it did. All the negative self-talk and how I felt so unworthy of so many things at that time, that was only because of the enemy. And so not only was I realizing manipulation was like around me everywhere, externally, but I was coming to the realization that it was internally too. And by a force that I would never wanna have anything to do with.
My brain like so quickly began to spiral at this point, like sifting through what is stopping me from doing what God wants me to do? What I truly believe God wants me to do? Where's the root? Like I kept wanting to like drill down, drill down... what's the actual problem? Why am I getting stuck here? And that's where it hit me and where I needed to start was at my worth. That's where the word hit me almost right at the beginning of this journey. God was like, you need to start here because there's a big sore spot here. And the realization was I feel so unworthy that I've allowed myself to be manipulated by people around me and the devil. When I know from God himself that I was meant to do something, and here I am being manipulated by the devil to feel like I can't, to doubt my calling, to doubt myself, to doubt my God. My brain like continued to scramble and questions were all surfacing. I could answer them in one or two words only to help direct me to the next question that could get me deeper to the root.
How long has this been going on for? A long time.
How many ways has this shown up in my life? Lots!
And I'd go to the next question. Why do you feel so unworthy? I needed to get to that point.
Why do you feel so unworthy?
Who have I been going to to determine my worth and my value?
And that was the question I needed to land on. This is where the journey begins. Who have I allowed or looked to to determine my worth? At that time, I answered it as the, the, the world, and how did I get this so wrong?
I grew up in a Christian household, went to private schools, what the heck? I've looked to everyone but God to determine my worth. And this is where it's getting me. It's wreaked havoc in my life. It was so clear that I needed to learn how to find my worth in Christ. And why didn't I like that was just, I believed everything. Like I was like, I've checked all the boxes. I don't not believe. So why am I not getting my worth from him? I knew he loved me. I felt like I had a strong relationship with him. I talked with him often. Maybe not always the best, maybe not always as a servant to him, maybe I was asking too much, but that wasn't playing into this. I reached for him. I thanked him, but I never really accepted his love for me. And how not!?! What does that mean?
I just wanted to discover, like dig and discover, what is the problem here? Because I can't get on a podcast and start talking about God now that I know there's some big holes. And that was the point. That needed to be pointed out. And I'm so glad that it did, like right away. I'm so glad he did. Getting quiet with God doesn't mean you're gonna get all the answers at your fingertips. He is a leader. He will lead you to follow him. The podcast, as I heard him say, was only the address, of one of the stopping points. The path it would take to get there properly that I needed to figure out with him. And and hesitation, any doubt, any wrong turn, the devil was waiting to break me down where he knows I'm weakest.
First thing I had to do was dedicate myself to the Lord. Like make a conscious effort to retrain my brain to surround myself with him in any way possible. Music, shows on tv, more prayer. Everything just needed to be about him. Because I could so quickly get caught in temptation and get pulled away. I had to stay laser focused on him so that I could figure out what am I missing and how do I find my worth in Christ? I knew that I went to people and things for my worth. And it affected me. negatively affected me in big ways.
So, for me it was pretty obvious, that was a weak point no more boyfriends. I'm committed. I'm committed to God. Like I said in the last podcast, that's when I put a ring on my finger and have continued to switch it out as it gets tarnished. I just needed that visual. If you are anything like that and, you're going on this journey with God if you're gonna do this, I would get something that reminds you to stay on track. If it's a Bible verse on your liquor cabinet, if it's a ring on your fingers, so that you stay away from relationships, so you don't keep going to the wrong thing to fix your problem. While you're working with God on this, I would say put a visual thing there. A constant reminder of what you're trying to do, and the goal you have for yourself.
I knew in order to hear God properly and step into whatever this was I needed to just quiet everything down. Social media done with that, no, because like when I wanted things, that's where I got a lot of that urge and that, you know, tendency to wanna buy it. That had to go, that wasn't serving me. So, I just cut a lot of things out. Simple, simple. Bare necessities as much as that was hard at times. The things that came easier outweighed that having all that negative stuff outside stuff out and just focusing on everything that was extremely important. My children, family, God, my relationship with him, relationship, my job at the time. And just really deep diving into who the heck am I and what have I done that needs to be changed.
Had I not done this, I don't know that there would've been a lot of forward movement. I would've probably just gotten back into the grind of how I always do things. I really wanted to follow through with my, my part of the promise. I I really wanted a different life. I really wanted to live the life he wanted for me. And I was dedicated to figure that out.
I can hear him in the silence.
I could see him at work in my life.
I can see where he's assuring me that I'm on the right path where he is where sending signs and signals.
If you wanna make a change, you've gotta get the distractions out that don't suit you. People, things, anything that's getting in the way. I had to drill down to what was a necessity versus what can wait a little while as I work, through these things on getting my life and my purpose, and most importantly, my relationship and my worth right with Jesus. Those things can wait if they're right for me they'll come back into my life if they weren't right, they'll just stay out. I would urge you to take a good look at your own life. It's not easy. It's not always pretty. It's hard, but you already know. You probably already know the hard points that are dragging you down, the things that are getting in the way. Ask yourself the hard questions and keep drilling down.
Are you getting your worth from God and God alone? Or are you distracting yourself with things, people, possessions, opinions, certain music, fashion, liquor, drugs... are you distracting yourself? Getting rid of those things didn't automatically help my worth - that was still a problem. That was still a way of thinking, a very comfortable way of thinking., What was I missing? There had to be something that I was missing.
But in order to figure that out, I can't stress it enough. All the outside stuff had to go.
And that's where I'll leave it for today. Thank you, guys, so much for being here. Thank you for spending your time with me I'm getting more and more excited about where this is gonna go. And Every day. I feel like he's opening up a little bit more for me to kind of understand and see what this is all about. As uncertain as life is currently, I gotta trust that he's gonna provide as I walk into this. So, thank you for being part of it.
I'll see you next time. Bye.