Episode 05: Failure, God, and Me: 2023
Episode 5: Failure, God, and Me: 2023 - When My Plan Failed, God’s Plan Began
Have you ever felt like everything in your life is falling apart, no matter how hard you try to hold it together? You’re not alone.
In this episode of the FOUND & REFINED Podcast, Amy LeSage shares her deeply personal story from one of the hardest years of her life. As the owner of a furniture refinishing business, Amy struggled to fix her struggling business, push through strained relationships, and declining health—only to realize that her own determination was part of the problem.
In the midst of chaos, Amy found hope and purpose by surrendering control and placing her trust in God. This honest conversation explores the power of letting go, relying on faith, and rediscovering purpose, even in life’s toughest seasons.
If you’re facing challenges in business, life, or faith, join Amy for encouragement, real stories, and practical insights on overcoming hardship and finding peace along the way.
The episode sets the stage for future discussions on overcoming adversities with faith.
Subscribe to FOUND & REFINED for more inspiring stories about faith, resilience, and determination to overcome.
In This Episode:
00:00 Introduction and Welcome
00:39 The Struggles of 2023
02:21 The Dream Store
03:54 Renovation Challenges
06:09 Life Falling Apart
10:43 A Moment of Clarity
16:05 A New Direction
16:52 Commitment to God
19:07 Preparing for a New Journey
21:19 Conclusion and Gratitude
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TRANSCRIPT - Ep. 05
All right, Hey guys! Welcome to FOUND & REFINED, life ReVISIONing. I'm your host, Amy LeSage. If we have not met, thank you so much for popping in here and if we have met, thank you for coming back.
Today is gonna be just kind of a pickup of where we left off. It's going through what got me to the point of, surrendering my life completely to God. And, trying to let go of control and, and give it all to God and trust that process. Usually, I'm sure this would happen for most people who might be in this situation, that process begins from a point of despair.
Where I had left off at our last episode was getting up to 2023, when I just couldn't hold it up anymore. Everything was crashing around me. In the beginning of 2023 is really where I lost all my footing. I was back and forth praying and trying to listen and trying to take, God's guidance as to like what to do. And I was on this, road towards podcasting and YouTub(ing) and trying to figure out how am I gonna grow this business called FOUND & REFINED, which was a furniture refinishing business. How am I gonna grow this business when I have no time? And little left to put into it anymore, like, because it was such a, labor intense job of refinishing and at people's homes and a lot of back and forth I was a team of one. Um, you know, it just, it was a lot. I was trying to do the best at it all, and it wasn't working, uh, financially, it wasn't working.
Instead of turning to God for some help, I pushed God aside and put money at the front. If something was gonna make me money, boom, was gonna go get it. I did a full 180 in the beginning of 2023. Money wasn't coming fast enough. Work was just like getting me up into a point, which wasn't enough. And I just, I needed more, and I wasn't ready to let go of FOUND & REFINED and furniture finishing being a bigger thing. Like I really saw so much potential in it, and I saw so much hope, that it could work. I felt like when I would go to kind of give up on it, something would come up and show me, like no, it's not time to give up.
Well, in 2023, there was this adorable space on a main road that I've always watched, and I've always loved. It had been occupied for years. But I just always had my eye on it. I'm like, it's just so cute. It's so cute. It's rustic. It's so cute. When we drove by it, I would just look at it and be like, man, one day that's gonna be mine.
One day... if it ever comes available, that's my time to go!
January-ish, the store becomes available. The person in there was done with her business. It was a painting place where you could like paint on boards, super cute. And it was attached to an antique shop. Now for me, that seemed like match made in heaven.
And the second I saw that it was open my brain, eyes, everything became fixated on that. You just couldn't get me off that path. I was like, that is available and that is calling my name and I'm gonna make that happen - no matter what.
No matter what red flag might pop up no matter what things might show this is a really bad decision. I'm convinced it's not. And I'm going rogue here. Following my gut. It just became this drive, like it was gonna save me...it was gonna solve all my problems. That's what I was gonna, it was gonna solve all my problems. Nothing could stop me from getting that place. The landlord owned the antique shop next door, an elderly man. There were warning signs, coming from him, but I was like, he's, you know older. It's fine. We'll get through it. I'll get through it. It's gonna be fine. This is meant to be.
I start working on the place immediately, making it my own. This is gonna be my store. It'll be a showcase of the things that I do, the different way I can refinish furniture.
People can absolutely buy the furniture in the store, but it's also to show if you have a table, this can be done to it. There were gonna be before and afters, there’s gonna be a consultation area, there was a seating area, there was a sink area, so that if I wanted to do classes, it just checked all the boxes. It needed to be brought to a standard where I wanted it to be as far as refinishing goes. So, I started working on the floors. There were wood floors there that were five different colors, stained, painted, paint all over them from the painting class that was there prior. It was just this modge podge of a wood floor. And I'm like, this can't, like, I can't do this. This can't work. Countless hours were spent making that store fit my vision and my vision was intense and purposeful, and every choice I made had a reason for it.
When I went into it, I was like, it doesn't have to be perfect. Just needs to be open. Just needs to be enough to showcase what I've got, and then we'll go from there. As I started working on it, the pressure and you know feedback and things just started making it feel like it needed to be perfect. It was taking months because it would be every single moment that I had, any free time I had was there cleaning it up, fixing it up, making it good. like the thing was I didn't have a lot of money, there wasn't hiring out help. My boyfriend at the time was helping a ton, and it was just having a huge strain. Um, it was just a strain on everything. I mean, I was working till midnight, 1, 2, 3 in the morning. I remember cops being like, what are you doing in there? Because I put the paper up. It was all windows.
And they're like, what are you doing in here till that late? Like, I was like suspicious at that point. Um, everything in the place had been touched, fixed, finished, refinished. There was a faux fireplace with brick. I had redone that. Everything was coming together. But on the back end I would be working during the day to make the money to pay for these things on top of racking up a credit card bill at Home Depot that I was planning would be paid off.
As I was working on the store and working in people's homes and all of the things, life outside of the store was falling apart. And I was trying to keep it all together. I was really feeling like I could hold all this weight myself.
Um, I was still in communication with God, but was I listening for anything that said this isn't what it's supposed to be or was I going to him checking in on this stuff? No. I mean, if anything I was. praying for health of my children. I was Praying for the health of myself. Was I going to him as a partner in a relationship of any sort? No, no, because my path, my path that I made was in motion. I was in motion.
Situations started happening with the landlord and my, boyfriend at the time, and things were becoming explosive. Anytime I would go to the store, this landlord would be pounding on the doors, having something to say, having to... there was just, it just became like a yucky place to even go. And I just felt this like darkness come over this dream. There's a lot there, um, I'll just say it was, it was just getting bad. Relationships were getting bad; communication was getting bad and aggressive.
I was out due to emergency surgery that I had to have. I couldn't even work for a month because I couldn't lift, I couldn't do certain things. My kids are struggling. There were some really serious things that, you know, I was worried about and trying to manage. I'm fighting the school. I'm fighting. I was just fighting everybody. I have money issues. I'm in court for a whole nother thing. There’re no loans available for me so it literally is nonstop work to fund the store so that I can hopefully make all of that back. My relationship is falling apart. Uh, gosh, it was horrible.
Things were swirling out of control. Just swirling out of control, and I couldn't do enough to make it stop or to fix it or to make it better in any type of a way. I felt like I was getting hit left and right. I could not catch a break. Even my dog was sick. Like everybody was sick, everything was going wrong. It then became an issue, that if this store isn't gonna open, and I'm paying monthly, there's tons of arguments surrounding it, there's like a black cloud over it, I don't know what's gonna happen.
I found myself at a point where like I didn't even wanna go to my mailbox because I couldn't pay the bills that were sitting in there. I would get like anxiety just walking to the mailbox. I would put it off as long as I could, and then you gotta get your mail and prioritize in what order was I gonna pay these things.
This stuff just kept piling up and getting worse, and something came up. My mom came over and she was like, I gotta tell you something. It was about the landlord and a customer. And it wasn't good and now there was an accusation against him for some physical stuff towards a woman. Within a day, hundreds of follow up comments to this post of how horrible this person is. Everything on there is like, stay away from this building! Stay away from this place! Well, I'm literally connected to the place by a door on the inside and we were sharing a building. and And I remember thinking, this isn't gonna get any better. Like right now, at this present moment, this is as good as it's gonna be and it's only gonna get worse because this person is only in decline. Everything's in decline, actually. I couldn't figure out how building this dream on bad foundation was gonna work.
I had put my heart and soul for months into this store. Thinking this is gonna be it. This is gonna be what helps my company grow. But there was this deep tug inside saying you better stop here... and then combating that with like what!? I've given everything! I just refinished all these floors. Done all the work on the walls. I've cleaned up the entire place. It looks so beautiful. I had just hung the light, had my kids in there.
They're like, this is amazing. I remember taking a step back a couple days before hearing all of this and being like, wow, we did it! It looks so good. It's perfect. We're so close. I remember just standing at the door being like, this is gonna be so great. Probably just trying to convince myself because it didn't feel great the rest of the time, but it looked great.
The adrenaline has calmed down and fear has kicked in. What is this actually gonna look like when you step back and think about the reality of all of this?
It was at this moment, the month I was planning to open, months and months of work, a beautiful store pretty well set up, and I was like, I can't see any of this working. I can't hear him. I I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. I need a minute. I need a freaking minute. So, I, um, hired a babysitter for my kids. I took my Bible, coffee, and a pad of paper. I said, I have to go pray. I have to go talk to him. This isn't feeling right. I am in a tornado. And if I'm supposed to push through in this way, I will. But I need to hear it from him.
I spent five hours, went to a park. It was a beautiful hill. It's just a gorgeous scene. It was time to talk, you know, it was time to really talk. I had held onto the thought that we've been here before. I've heard you before. I know I can hear you again, and I need you. I need you to tell me what to do. Every part of my life is falling apart.
And there is a tiny voice in my head saying, "Stop here. You've done all the work you can - towards your dream. This is where it's brought you. And yes, that's a hard reality, but it's truth." This is where following your goals, your ideas, pushing through red flags, and just sticking to a dream that you think is right for you. This is where that can get you, sometimes. I was broke, I was tired. I was worried about my kids. I was worried about my future. Every way I turned, I was in a battle. I was like, God, what do you want me to do here? Where am I supposed to be?
There was one time where I was in the store, actually, rewind... one time where I was in the store and I was finishing the floors, which was the most insane job ever. Gosh, they look so beautiful though by the end. Um, and I remember thinking, man. I was just trying to stay in my own head. I was like, I don't wanna feel the vibes that are coming from the place next door. I don't wanna, I just wanna like, stay in this dream. I wanna stay in this thought. I wanna stay in this happiness. And the this, I, feel like proud of myself for doing this. And I, I know I heard him say, you are where you're supposed to be right now.
That tripped me up. That tripped me up a lot because in my head, I'm like, great, this is gonna be a sweet success. This is gonna all work out. I'm where I'm supposed to be.
How could I be where I'm supposed to be, but not for the success of it?
Not because it's the right thing, but because it's the thing, I later found out, that I had to learn from. And without it, I wouldn't have learned. But in that moment, why would I think this is where I'm supposed to be to fail? Ugh, but that's what it was. There were times where I would go back to that knowledge of knowing that's what I heard. Why would you say that? I learned to become very grateful for it because had he not said that… I would just feel like a failure. But to know that that failure and all of that experience was part of the bigger plan makes me feel like, okay, I failed, but I didn't totally fail. I needed it. I. It's just a weird thing.
But I'm on the Hill, pages are flipping in the Bible. Man, it was a crazy experience. Honestly, I was like, wow! It kept going back to the same pages, help and serve... help and serve. I was like, God, thy will be done. I’m done. I obviously can't make decisions very well. Look where it's gotten me. I don't wanna follow myself. I don't wanna follow my thoughts. I don't wanna follow my dreams. I wanna follow yours. I wanna follow you. I wanna hear you and I wanna do what you think I'm supposed to do because then it's gonna be good. Then it's gonna work out. Following you can't be a wrong decision. Following me shows me it can be a really bad choice. It could be a multitude of wrong decisions. I'm not strong enough to do this on my own. I'm not strong enough to know what's best for me. I don't know what's best for me when it comes to me or God. I lose that one. He knows what's best for me, but if I'm not listening and I'm not calling on him, and I'm not there to receive the message, I'm missing it. And I'm ending up in a place like this. And That reality was real. That was so real.
I gave it up. I was like, whatever you want me to do, Lord, I wanna do it. I'm done trying to figure this life out. I want you to lead me. Please lead me. It wasn't like in a demanding way. This sounds a little demanding. It's not like you do this for me. No. It was like, please, God, I I give up control. I'm letting go. I wanna follow you. You made me for a reason. You brought me to this earth for a reason and this, this cannot be it. This is what I thought would be it. This cannot be it. This is not it. I know that. I know you would not want me here. I know that. So, please, lead me. I will follow; thy will be done. Whatever it is, I'll follow you.
(Famous last words)
And um, it was just very obvious it was time to walk away from the store. Walk away. Don't fight for what you deserve back. I was covered within the lease because things were broken on his end. So, I had that ability, but a part of me was like, I, I wanna fight. I put so much time and money, sweat, and tears, and now I'm gonna leave him with this gorgeous place. Like, are you kidding me? But literally, at that time, I didn't have the energy to do any of that. I was already fighting so many other things that needed to see their way through. It was time to walk away. And what he had told me, what I heard very clearly through the spirit, was podcasting and YouTube. Help and serve.
Now, of course, I was like, okay, there's a godsin on this, right? I already got the podcast real, and this was what I was gonna do before I took the turn into the wrong, horrible choice of the store. So, I've got all that stuff lined up. I'm gonna do podcasting about furniture and life ReVISIONing. At first, I thought it was furniture only. But now it's about life. How does God get you through these moments? So, it's gonna be like a little bit of both and I'm gonna teach people how to refinish furniture and I'm also gonna teach them how I am refining my life. And it was like, I got it, no problem! Alright, God, I'm on it. Thank you so much. You know, like I'm following you. I got it! I got it, I got it.
Sadly, a lot of things had to end at that point. Anything that was a distraction from my partnership and my commitment to God it had to go. One of those was the store, the other one was my relationship that I was in, and I had to get through some of the other things, court and some of that other stuff, and I did. My world became very small and focused. If I'm gonna do this right, I need to be with God hand in hand, and my children are next. That is enough. That is a lot to take on. That is enough. If I'm gonna do this right, that's what's gonna happen.
I bought a cross ring. I put it on my ring finger. Relationships are tempting. Relationships are tempting.
Being in this particular relationship was hard to get out of. I had to make that choice and I had to remind myself every minute of the day in the beginning of where my commitment was. I am doing this! I said I was gonna do it, and I'm gonna do it well! And so that's where I'm at. And nothing was gonna stop me. No other relationship, nothing else was gonna divert my attention. My attention was on him. And where am I supposed to be in this life? Because I'm pretty sure I'm not even close to the right path. I'm not even close to where he's wanted me to go. I'm on a ride now. And I wanna hear him clearly. So, all this noise, all this outside stuff, I am turning it off. I'm closing these doors except to my children because they are extremely important, and I am a mother, and I'm a good mom, and I will never close the door to my children. But other than that, it was me, God, my kids. Figure out the rest, let the rest crumble, let it go, walk away from the store.
I had to gather all my stuff out. I had to put it all into my garage, which really sucked because I had to see this sadness, this failure that just was kind of looming over me. But, I knew, I knew in my heart it was the right decision, but it still really hurt. So, I just stayed outta my garage for a really long time because I couldn't quite face that yet. And I just got through it. My friends, my family came, and it was done. It was over. The harassment continued, but I put a stop to that as well. It was over. Time to buckle down.
And in my mind, figure out how am I gonna do furniture refinishing and talk about the God stuff? What's that gonna look like?
And at this moment, the thoughts and the Holy Spirit. Just poured into me. I would be pulling over on the side of the road writing down things that I felt needed to be talked about. Not that came from me. It was very clear. It did not come from me. I was like, this is so important. I'm gonna forget it.
I had to pull over. Write out this whole thing, I mean, it was like they were coming in at rapid speed. Nonstop. God was just, boom, boom, here's this thought. Boom, here's this thought. Boom, here's this thought. And I was like, okay, cool. Wow. Wow. That's a lot of stuff. That's a lot of material. He's totally preparing me. Now how am I gonna get all of this together? Now I gotta figure out the furniture or finishing part. Like Like I need to come in with a bang and write out all this stuff of how to refinish kitchen cabinets. 'Cause that's what I'm gonna start with. And then I'm gonna sprinkle in some of the God stuff, which he's given me. Thank you. And this is gonna be great. And Off I ran…On what I thought he was telling me. And again, I got it wrong.
I learned so much just by falling over, and over, and over again. But I never didn't get back up. I think that's the thing. You gotta get back up, but you gotta get back up with him. You don't get up by yourself. You never should be getting up from a broken hurt place by yourself ever, without him. If you want it to go right, you gotta get up with him.
I can't wait to share these things that the spirit has just been passing on to me. I have so many notes that I cannot wait to give you. I've learned so much. This is not about furniture refinishing anymore. I had to give that up too. That wasn't part of the plan. That was part of my plan. That wasn't part of his plan. I had to learn that too. I I had to become completely stripped down from all the thoughts that I thought in order to follow him properly. That's hard. But it's possible.
We'll stop here.
I can't wait to talk to you again next time. And, um, I just always appreciate you. I hope you know that from the bottom of my heart. I appreciate you listening. So, thank you guys. Talk to ya, bye.